i spend hundreds of hours trying to write for hoax & it’s almost always unsuccessful.
i feel unsafe writing in the feminist zine sphere because there is a very specific, regimented way in which you are supposed to address certain issues. i feel like i have to qualify every single point i make and preemptively critique myself before i am attacked.
honest mistakes become excuses to bully somebody in this “call out” culture.
it feels impossible for somebody such as myself who is extremely learning disabled. every sentence is already an agonizing process. constantly feeling as though i’m about to be put on trial makes everything exponentially worse.
i have to continue to remind myself that it’s okay for myself to have a voice, even if i am part of the privileged majority. that sharing my opinions via a zine does not prevent other people from sharing their opinions. that my own writing is not another silencing mechanism.
i wonder why i am still doing this to myself.
I hear this. I don’t think it’s even a “call out” culture thing so much as a “human nature” thing — or rather, that what’s been labeled as “call out” culture is a human nature thing. That isn’t to say that privilege should go forever unchecked or that no one should critique anything or that no one should ever vent anger, because anger is important. But it’s easier for us to pick at each other than to go after, idk, /b/. And I think, as humans, there’s always this seductive urge to simplify — “if I just say X, i’m Righteous And Good, and if you say Y, you’re Beyond Help and Bad.” I think, especially for allies of whatever -ism, it’s especially seductive — I know it was for me — to think, “Ooh, with this easy set of rules, I Am A Good Person/Ally.” And going after people in a group hits some kind of fucked-up self-righteous-pleasure-button in our chimp-brains.
I think this is always gonna be a component of the Left’s problems with getting shit done. Making it more complicated is, again, that sometimes anger is important, that intersectionality is obvs important, and that the Left is really heterogeneous, unlike the Right. It’s easy for the Right to close ranks and hush up dissent and push for stuff because it represents the needs of the white-cis-male-hetero-Christian-able-bodied-1%. Whereas on the Left… not so much. So many more conflicting needs.